Bleach: Twilighted
by LittleRuu
Summary: "Oh. No need to show off. You sparkled under the moonlight, right?" - Bleach, Twilight style. Or was it Twilight, Bleach style? Whatever. lol. IchiRuki. -


**A/N: I wrote this random piece like… 8 months ago. And of course I'd edited it a lil bit, before posting it today. This makes more sense if you watch and read Twilight and a line or two from New Moon. If not, it's okay. It's enough if you know what Twilight and Bleach are. Just make sure you read this till the end!  
**

**Now, the so-called disclaimer:**

**I don't own Bleach or Twilight. They belong to their respective owners. Uh-huh...**

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**Twilighted**

~A Twilight *coughstupidcough* Parody.~

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It was twilight. The time when day is just starting to become night. She was now standing in the middle of the thick, green, wood, with an orange haired guy, standing right in front of her. They stood silently for almost five minutes when he eventually broke the still atmosphere.

"You are impossibly fast and strong... Your skin, your... sword, is pale white and ice cold. Your eyes change color. Sometimes they are blue. Sometimes they are gray but my favorite is violet. And sometimes... You act like you are fully from different time. I mean, for God sake, Rukia, you don't even know how to open a juice box!"

"...How old are you?"

She let out a deep sigh....

"150..."

"150?! Are you serious??! Oh hell, why should I be so shock, anyway? How long have you been 150...?"

"Around two months, three weeks and fourteen days ago...?"

"Dammit! That means that I missed your birthday!"

"Nah... It's okay. No big deal. The last birthday we celebrate was Momo. 100 years ago..."

"Oh. Wait. Wait. Wait!"

"What?!"

"Well... I just want to say, I know what you are, anyway."

"Oh really? You do? Hmm... Why should I be so shock, anyway? Then say it, carrot top... Out loud. Say it!"

"A shinigami."

"Are you afraid?"

"Um, no?"

"No? Are you fucking serious, NO??! I have a sword in my hand! And it's weirdly white! Don't you afraid of it?"

"I'm more afraid of losing you. You may disappear, anytime..."

"This is not right. You are utterly crazy. You should ask me the most basic question by now, what did we do to make sure our stupid telephone, electrics, water and internet bills are paid off? To keeps our stomach full? To make sure that we are alive? To make sure that we are survive?"

"Err... Okay... So what did you do to make sure the stupid telephone, electrics, water...-"

"Just answer those damned questions!"

"Well... You guys send people to hell...? Heaven...?"

"Is that what you call it? Is that what you really think of me? I am a killer! I am a monster! Come!!!"

"Where do you want to take me?"

"I want to show you who I really am!"

_* FLASH STEPS*FLASH STEPS*FLASH STEPS *_

_* SLASH *stupid*SLASH*hollows*SLASH *_

"Can't you see it now?"

"See what?"

"Our live... It is surrounded by blood. We are murderer..."

"No. You are not a murderer nor that you are a monster, Rukia. You only killed those... horrible creatures for good sake. I know you will not hurt me."

"How could you be so sure?! Anyway, those creatures are called hollows. Come! Follow me!!"

"Again? Where do you want to take me this time? Up above the tree?"

"Nah. Just up above the hill. I want to show you why I love to come out at night."

"Oh. No need to show off. I know already. You sparkle under the moonlight, right?"

"Eh? Who said so?!"

"Stephenie Meyer."

"WHO? I mean WHAT??!"

"Well, I told you I make my research. So... You do sparkle huh?"

"Idiot! I am not a vampire. And vampire doesn't sparkle under the moonlight... I think. Anyway, look... Tsume no mai, Tsukishiro!"

"Oh. That is beautiful!!! But you know, even without the moon, you are the most beautiful creature ever."

"You think so, huh?"

"Yeah. And... I really want to be one of you..."

"No! That's wrong! You should not say that!"

"I'm sorry... But..."

"Why...? Without being one of us, you are already beautiful, in your own way..."

"No. I am just a plain, mere human being..."

"You know, you don't see yourself clearly. I bet you don't know what the girls in the school think of you. I mean, there is this certain girl... Inoue. You know her right?"

"Oh. That girl. Yeah. The one who asked me to the prom...."

"But you said, she better asked Ishida, am I right?"

"Err... Yes. How did you know?"

"Hello? I was there. Right besides you. Duh."

"No. You were not."

"When did the last time you check your eyesight? Cuz I would like to recommend Dr. Mayuri."

"I swear you were standing across the street. I saw you, crystal clear. And last time I went to the optometrist, he said my vision is super perfect. Thank you very much."

"Maybe you were too shocked or having a short term trauma after the girl asked you to the prom... So you didn't realize that I was standing next to you at the moment. Hmm... Make sense. And oh. That's probably my twin. The one that you saw across the street."

"Your twin? You have twin!!!!??"

"Yeah. Chappy. It's complicated. Shinigami's stuff and all. You don't want to know..."

"But I hate it. I don't like it when I don't know anything about you. I want to know you more. Even though it takes eternity..."

"Eternity? You can't. Our lifestyle... it's dangerous. You saw it yourself. I don't want you to get hurt. Hell. We should not be friend to begin with. I should never drag you into this whole mess from the start! Maybe, maybe I should never go to Karakura at the first place....!"

"Hey. Listen. I'm glad you are here. You are my life now. I can't live without you. Remember when I told you that I hate the rain and missed the heat? Now I think... the rain had stopped. Thanks to you..."

"The rain had... What? Are you kidding me? We are soaking wet right now! Thanks to _you_ for choosing this place to talk!"

"It's metaphor, Rukia. Metaphor. Jeez. I thought you were the one who grew up with Shakespeare's brilliant metaphor! And you are the one who drag me to the hill."

"But!!!-"

"Shh... Can I ask you something?

"If you want to ask me any way to make you become one of us, then no. I told you. You are already beautiful."

"But that is not why-"

"Oh shut up. I think I want to try something..."

*KISS*KISS*KISS*AWARD WINNING KISS* KISS* KISS*

"Oh, Rukia...".

_Rukia..._

_Rukia..._

_Rukia... Wake up Rukia...  
_

"Emm... You taste like strawberry... My ichigo..."

"Yes. Yes. I am your strawberry, midget. Now. Wake up."

"No... Don't go... Please... Ed... Ichigo?!"

"Yes...?"

"Eew... I kissed you? I thought it was Edward..."

_Edward? The oddly sparkling vampire? Is she.. Is she fucking serious?!_

"That's it! No more Twilight for you! Period. Now, now. Go wash your face. Dinner is ready."

"NO!!! My precious DVD!!! My dearest novels!!! My..... Oh, you should not be jealous of him!!! He is just a fictional character for Chappy's sake! Don't take them away!!!"

"No. No. No. At least not until I make sure you will be dreaming of me tonight, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow... and well, forever... Hurry up, munchkin. I'm starving."

_Silly Ichi. You _are_ my Edward. Wait. No. You are waaay better than him. Yupp! But..._

"Give me back my things first or I'll make sure I use my kidou to blow up that stupid safety box of yours, you idiot!"

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**A/N:**

**Just to make it clear, Rukia actually dreamed of Ichigo a.k.a her Edward. And people like Rukia and Ichigo who obsessed and jealous with fictional character do exist. And you know what? Somehow, when I first read Twilight, I imagined Ichigo as the sparkling vampire. LOL.**

**Until next time, **

**LittleRu~  
**


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